Planning a Funeral

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Making the Most of an Important Decision

What’s the most difficult part of planning a funeral, someone recently asked on an Internet discussion board. Answers varied widely. Some said choosing a casket. Others said deciding if cremation or burial is the best option. Still others said paying the bill. And a number of people who plan funerals professionally said every part of planning a funeral can be excruciatingly difficult.

Below are some funeral planning tips that may help you cope with what is undoubtedly a very tough thing to do.

First, the experts all agree that it is important try your best to be a good consumer, despite your emotions.

Consumer advocates often give advice to grocery shoppers, and the gist of these tips are also be applicable to people planning a funeral.

“Make a list, stick to it, and avoid shopping on an empty stomach,” they say.

The experts give this advice because they know that grocery stores usually employ thousands of subtle tricks aimed at convincing you to buy more products than, probably, you really need. Bread, for example, is often strategically located at the back of the store because the store owners know that people often come to a store simply to buy bread but can be enticed to buy more products if they must travel the full length of the store to find the bread. Marketing tricks like that abound, even at the most reputable of stores, and to avoid falling for them requires a considerable amount of planning and discipline.

The same, unfortunately, can be said of most other parts of American life – including funerals.

Funeral homes and other companies in the “death care” industry are, like the grocery store, in business to sell products. And even the most caring and compassionate of professionals in the industry will not discourage a large sale. Keep that in mind before you ask a professional, “What do I need for my loved one.”

To adapt the consumer advocates grocery store advice to funeral homes, we offer this: Research your options, establish a budget, stick to that budget, and keep emotions at bay.

Research your options: An afternoon on the web with one or two family and friends is probably sufficient to determine exactly what products and services you will need for your funeral and how much you will likely have to pay. Do this research and prepare your “grocery list” for the funeral you are planning.

Establish a budget and stick to that budget: Once your list is in hand, note the highest price you should expect to pay for each item and service you will need. Realize that any professionals you visit with may attempt to convince you to spend a few dollars more. Be prepared for politely aggressive sales tactics and always be ready to say no to services and fees that go beyond your budget. Remember that, friendly as these professionals may be, their real motivation is not friendship. Rather, they want to make as large a sale possible. You can be polite, but insistent, that they do all they can to stay within your budget. If they are unable to meet your budget, then do not be afraid to contact competitors. Remember that you do not have to purchase all of your funeral products and services from one company. In fact, all funeral directors and cemeteries are required by law to use products from other companies. (Cemeteries cannot legally require that plots be marked with headstones purchased from them, for example. Likewise, funeral homes cannot require that customers use only the caskets that they sell.)

Keep emotions at bay: Just as grocery store owners love for hungry customers to spend time in their stores, funeral homes and cemeteries are eager to work with grieving customers. When a person is in the midst of grieving, he or she is likely to approach funeral planning with a “money is no object” attitude that can spell trouble later, when the final bill arrives. When planning a loved-one's funeral while grieving, it’s best to rely upon the advice of a trusted friend who is a good money manager but is not emotionally involved in the death. A good strategy would be to sit with this friend for a few hours to plan the funeral and establish a budget, and then allow him or her to do all negotiating and purchasing on your behalf. At the very least, you should bring this friend along when you visit a funeral home or cemetery.